Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
