I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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