No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
