He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There's always time for handjobs
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
