watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
