Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize