This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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