They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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