this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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