Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
