Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i out mim tonsoeep
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