Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
