Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
