I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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