Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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