I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Two words: blizzard sex
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
