Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
