Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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