the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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