Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
