is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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