Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize