He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
