rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
