we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
