Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
