i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
