exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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