I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
