i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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