i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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