I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
