In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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