Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Randomize
