Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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