She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize