Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
