mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I came so hard my ears popped.
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