I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
