CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
