Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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