This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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