quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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