Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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