Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
