If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
