Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
