Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
