What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
