GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
