There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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