Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
