ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
