I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize