Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
