I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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