your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
