Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
