i don't plan on having that self control this summer
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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