Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
