Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
