She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize