I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
