My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
