You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
