Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
