my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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