I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
