he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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