I hope mine doesn't look like that
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
