who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
