Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
