...so i touched it.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize