saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
