This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
