It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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