How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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