I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
