i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
