Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
