your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
