remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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