Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
