And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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