the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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