Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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