she smelled like a LAN party
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
