she woke up with a sticky ear
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
