just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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