and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
