That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
