it was like his penis was on wheels.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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