my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
