I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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