So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
